Thickly slice steaks from your hogg.  These may be taken from either the butt or the ham of the hogg, and should be braised on back and front, then taken off the fire and glazed with a glaze made from apples, sweet onions, sherry and Snickers bars, cooked long together over low heat.  The pan should then be placed in a well heated oven until the meat is well done.  Serve in the sizzling pan and eat with Gaucho knives.

Stir Fry on Greens

Stir fry bacon and cubed eggplant together in a hot wok until brown.  Add rhubarb, water chestnuts, hearts of palm and a large dollop of hoisin sauce.  Serve on a bed of bok choi  lightly dressed with Jack Daniels and lime juice.  At table, talk about the weather thirty years ago.

Puree bananas and garlic, ginger and cayenne.  Spread thickly over chilled raw oysters on the half-shell.  Serve with tequila and mescal.  Call a cab.

Coarsely chop tomato, peppers, onion, and avocado.  Pulse three times in a food processor.  Do nothing else!  Serve to children with salty tortilla chips.

Slice thick rounds from sweet potatoes and red potatoes.  Fry deeply in olive oil until golden brown.  Season with a pinch of salty bottom and serve in a rolled up page torn from a guidebook.

Dissolve the finest Indonesian brown sugar into the juice of many oranges.  Add rum, rhubarb extract, nutmeg, ginger and cloves.  Pour over shredded cabbage packed in an earthenware crock and weigh down with a rock the size of a boar's head.  The slaw is ready to eat when the storms come in November.